Once I gave you the power

 A long time ago,

as a fairy tale started, I gave you the  power to make me happy,

by default, I also gave you the power to make me sad.

It was not your responsibility but it was your prerogative 

for me to feel free of guilt, to put the pressure on you

to let my own responsability go tentative,

Iit was nice to care for someone and have someone care for you...

However, the force is within me, nourish me and showing the path,

a path far from you and what my expectations were,

you can't make me happy, only I can,

you can't make me sad, only I can.

I thought you were controlling me,

 but it was me who gave you the remote control

and it was running out of batteries.

Not my problem anymore

 I am sorry for her, but I am super relieved

because you are not my problem anymore.

Your depression and negativity won't touch my sunny days,

your twisted view of the world you have messed up my life,

your victimization of the things that happen to you

because you prefer to not be responsible

won't affect my daily life.

It is done and done,

and it gives me freedom,

not listening to your complaints

to your constant negative feedback,

to your judgment and control.

You are not my problem any more.

One day

 One day all this pain will be gone

one day you will stop crying

one day these memories won't hurt anymore.

I promise you this grief will be over,

the dead that was heavy on your heart

and didn't allow you to breathe properly

will be just a sad memory.

One day the pain of physical separation

will be just a silly memory

that would have transmuted into something else

something that has no power over you

neither over your emotions.

One day you will be free,

and in complete charge of your emotions,

just keep rowing.

How to trust again?

 It is not that the expectations were too high

and the trust was broken by external forces,

it is not about not trusting others,

to be scared to fall again for a lie

It is the trust in yourself,

on being true to your true

on being legit and original

on believing in you, in your potential

on your grip

on your power to challenge yourself

and your fears

on the things you don't trust yourself

like inversions, surfing, or loving.

Turn the nectar into honey

 I love flowers

and I stop to appreciate them every time,

I take mental photos of their colors

and take deep breaths to absorb their perfume

I used to be called a butterfly 

but now I know I am a bee,

that insect I used to fear

I used to void because I was scared

to get an anaphylactic shock

I was scared to be stung,

and died

I was scared of the unknown future,

I was scared of bees.

You open my eyes to see their beauty,

to find them harmless,

to stop the fear.

You helped me to enjoy the flowers deeply

in all their complexity

and to turn their nectar into honey.

I am not the victim

 Assumptions put me in the victim role,

but it was a lack of good judgment and understanding 

that labeled me "the victim".

I am not the victim, I am more the responsible party,

who pushed the first domino piece

and now see a 6 years structure crumbled to the floor.

Just perfect

 Laying on the grass,

feeling the warm sun caressing your skin,

calling me to caress you too,

to feel the warmth, it is just perfect.

And then a bee tried to sting me

and I freaked out because of childhood traumas,

so you calmed me down,

took the bee gently and showed me that I have nothing to fear

it was just perfect.

You opened up your genuine vulnerability,

allowing me to do the same,

and still, feel safe,

and it was just perfect.

With my constant stressful on the go state of mind,

you came to caress my thoughts to relax me,

it was just perfect,

like a five minutes meditation

on a busy morning,

in the middle of a construction site 

during a thunderstorm.