Does he have any red flags? You asked...
Tons, I replied, he has a red banner yelling "danger",
and he laughed and we bonded.
We found similarities in experiences,
we enjoyed finding red flags
and hiding them under the sand,
hoping that the sea will go back to a relax state,
that the tide won't go insane again
and swallow us with all its intensity
We both saw the red flags,
we both ignored them,
and we both enjoyed the fresh water
until the salty water took our breath away.
A long time ago,
as a fairy tale started, I gave you the power to make me happy,
by default, I also gave you the power to make me sad.
It was not your responsibility but it was your prerogative
for me to feel free of guilt, to put the pressure on you
to let my own responsability go tentative,
Iit was nice to care for someone and have someone care for you...
However, the force is within me, nourish me and showing the path,
a path far from you and what my expectations were,
you can't make me happy, only I can,
you can't make me sad, only I can.
I thought you were controlling me,
but it was me who gave you the remote control
and it was running out of batteries.
I am sorry for her, but I am super relieved
because you are not my problem anymore.
Your depression and negativity won't touch my sunny days,
your twisted view of the world you have messed up my life,
your victimization of the things that happen to you
because you prefer to not be responsible
won't affect my daily life.
It is done and done,
and it gives me freedom,
not listening to your complaints
to your constant negative feedback,
to your judgment and control.
You are not my problem any more.
One day all this pain will be gone
one day you will stop crying
one day these memories won't hurt anymore.
I promise you this grief will be over,
the dead that was heavy on your heart
and didn't allow you to breathe properly
will be just a sad memory.
One day the pain of physical separation
will be just a silly memory
that would have transmuted into something else
something that has no power over you
neither over your emotions.
One day you will be free,
and in complete charge of your emotions,
just keep rowing.
It is not that the expectations were too high
and the trust was broken by external forces,
it is not about not trusting others,
to be scared to fall again for a lie
It is the trust in yourself,
on being true to your true
on being legit and original
on believing in you, in your potential
on your grip
on your power to challenge yourself
and your fears
on the things you don't trust yourself
like inversions, surfing, or loving.
I love flowers
and I stop to appreciate them every time,
I take mental photos of their colors
and take deep breaths to absorb their perfume
I used to be called a butterfly
but now I know I am a bee,
that insect I used to fear
I used to void because I was scared
to get an anaphylactic shock
I was scared to be stung,
and died
I was scared of the unknown future,
I was scared of bees.
You open my eyes to see their beauty,
to find them harmless,
to stop the fear.
You helped me to enjoy the flowers deeply
in all their complexity
and to turn their nectar into honey.
