in and out

 You come into my life,

you leave, I exit you,

you try to come back as a friend,

exit again, in and out...

And 15 years passed since we first crossed paths,

since you seduced me and I drove you crazy.

Since we shared music and hot air,

fantasies and carcasses.

You gain weight and lose energy,

I calmed down and expected nothing.

You are a successful business man now,

almost on the verge of retirement,

but I am about to access the higher steps in my career ladder.

So different, but so full of passion.

Ticker

Dancing can lead to kissing,

and I don't want to be another tick on your list,

you won't check me out,

you won't have a done emoji next to my name.

while you keep pushing your luck,

and our bodies next to each other,

I have to keep  my fake smile,

keep smiling and pretending all was good.

I know your game,

you are the player that seduces,

the gamer who gambles,

and always wins.

The more I know you, the less I like you

 The more I know you, the less I like you,

everything is a game for you

to probe that you are better than the rest

that you deserve the best.

The more you expose your natural person

the more the darkness filters

through the cracks of your intentions

the more and more I lost interest.

The real you is unkind,

not the type of person I want to have a round,

I am done wasting my energy 

in your judgments and negativity.

I love perks

 Free things feel extraordinary,

like the universe is awarding you just for existing,

but you must be wary,

because they won't bring you enlighting.

Perks, those are the hit run,

those are the awards for a well-done job

for investing, supporting and trusting the fun

while you are listening to the throb.

Focus

 My to-do list is never-ending,

more things are added

and it takes all my thinking

to do the deed.

My attention span is inexistent,

all the things I must do merge with the ones I want to do

and what others are adding as  an expectant

requests to not do more but more do.

I need to focus,

on me, on the importance,

on priorities that are not just hocus pocus,

but there is discordance.

Everything I read about life hacks

and happy living]indicates doing one thing at a time,

but I juxtapose TV and workout in my shack,

and at least two other things at a time.

Merge them all in one

 You wish you could merge them all into one woman,

The passionate voluptuous french woman

who was your twin flame,

but it burned too hot and meted your security.

The geeky green eyed german

with the most beautiful smile,

full lips and perfect white teeth

who made you laugh non-stop

and opened the door of your imagination

and challenge you to think that you might not deserve her.

The perfect ass of that Latina who had a dream body,

but it emotionally manipulated you until you cried pushing through pain.

The charisma of that woman of the world, who had the world in her hands

with only a whisper.

The funny creative Scandinavian woman

the one you finally allowed yourself to be yourself and 

matched your weird sense of humor, 

with porcelain skin, as breakable as her mental health.

The emotional mature and wisdom giver

older lady who nursed back to life,

who gave you faith and will,

but who you couldn't correctly love.

The dancer who led you in a way that made you fly,

all over the dancefloor like suspended in the clouds.

All these women you wish you could merge into a perfect one.

No time for shavasana

Running all day to get to a relaxing place,

fast breathing to keep the rhythm 

to get into the slow calm zone.

I do yoga every day,

somedays I have to run to it...

and that might take away the benefits,

but hey, I made it to the mat, so namaste to you.

I have no time for Shavasana,

I am here to stretch, workout and find unity.