Meditations

and one after noon, around 8 pm, in a spring night that was starting, i found myself alone, some kind of sadness, some kind of relief, that noon I had had finish a duty that was killing me, indeed I hate when I have to do things that I do not want to do, like speak in public about science. at all my ages I was always waiting for more, expecting the magic event to happen, expecting the blue prince to arrive, the succeed also I worked for that, but when the effort was too heavy, I was always trying to place a white flag and put my arms back. always my friends and the occasional love gave me the courage to continue, sometimes my mother, she is really strongly pushing me to continue, actually sometimes she push me to do things that she did not want me to do, but I was needing to do. and in all the way, I was never alone. Some afternoons I finished in a park, with 3 bags containing all my stuff, like a homeless, not knowing where to go or what to do, I cried, I begged for help, and help arrived always. and then I was back in the track, back in life, doing, doing doing again, always thinking in what I want, and suspicions that was not what I was doing. at all ages I doubt