Why are we not aiming higher?

 When I see you so focus

so concentrated

when I hear you creating an opus

so fascinated.

It is only you and the music

you and the black and white keys

completely in sync

and in perfect ease

I wonder why you are not aiming higher

you are so talented

and you are still trapped by a spider

in a web of false charmed

Your melodies are poor magic

just you there playing your creative music

attracting all the feelings that are pragmatic

it is fundamentally therapeutic.

You could do more, get more

you could touch the sky

and even Mars and further explore

but you stay there, so shy.

I just wonder why?

all that talent wasted,

locked in a room

for only 1 person to enjoy.

My age

 I used to be the youngest one,

the one that was obviously junior

and had to jump and yelled to get noticed

and even more to get her opinion heard.

But youth is so volatile

and in a flash is gone,

nevertheless,

that sensation never went away.

Even as a senior and with years of experiences

I still have to push to get my voice heard.

My age was an obstacle, 

for being inexperienced.

Now, older, my age is still an issue.

I am not the "young lady" anymore,

but I am still treated likewise.

I got asked how old are you?

in a professional setting followed by

you can't have all this experience?

you can't be this old...

you can't already have a PhD, etc...

Why is my age wasting our time?

Who cares how old I am?

When your actual age and your appearance turned into an interesting topic?

What is the meaning of this age-related questioning?

If you look younger you will get tested to prove your actual age,

you will get tested to prove your knowledge,

your expertise, your value... you.

At least I have a window

 To be grateful is to be happy,

or to be happy makes you grateful...

being thankful is the best therapy

that makes your insides beautiful.

I am grateful I have a window

even in the darkest days

I can feel the warm light coming in from the window

like answering all my prays

Thinking about homeless people

or the ones living in a basement or in a cardboard house

makes me gloomy and sad feeling for these people

and even more grateful that at least I have a window in my house.

The power of a word

 When did the word change its meaning?

From being related to fun to being an insult

it was a long and painful trip,

a flap of circumstances and eras.

It wasn't really an evolution,

or a natural pathway.

It was more a degeneration 

and abuse of power.

One gay word that was fancy and glorious,

metamorphosed into a "bad word"

with some negative connotations.

I wish we could go back to bind it with love and excitement.

The power of one finger

 You can stop a conversation by taking it to your lips,

just a simple gesture

You can start a fight by raising up the middle one

just a simple gesture

You can pleasure yourself in a gentle way

just a simple gesture

You can please someone else this way

just a simple gesture

You can call everyone's attention by rising the index up

just a simple gesture

You can indicate where to go with the same finger up

just a simple gesture

You can start a revolution

just a simple gesture

You will be OK

People who claim to know me well

keep telling me I always land on my feet

like if some class of Latin cat female

but I feel I am just a cheat

It is more than impostor syndrome,

goes to the roots of being

your whole believing dome

shutters, it is not forbidding

when on the positive thoughts that you hold inside

start disappearing and you are empty

whatever they said

has zero value in your modus vivendi

Even if you were a problem solver

and a fighter, after getting hit hard

and falling again harder,

you become a destroyer

A destroyer of your dreams

and your positivity and you can sleep no more

The hope disappears,

you feel that you are not unbreakable anymore

Stop telling me "you will be OK"

I prefer to be dead right now

and you can't relay

I have to deal with myself somehow.

Again and again

I missed a meeting today,

I didn't get a notification

and I felt like this happened before

I lost the train of vocation.

Again and again, I am feeling I am arriving too late

that the train left the station

and I am just standing there waiving my dreams goodbye

seeing the melting chocolate.

Sometimes is the world speeding up

and leaving me behind

it is not only about technology

it is about lexicon and growing up.

Again and again, I waiving progress pass by

even if I try to evolve I am stuck in old habits

like if my time has been set to standby

and all my time is in debit.