I have to apologize for disregarding my patients before
when they told me about the nightmares
the vivid horrible hunting nightmares that keep them awake.
This too shall pass,
enjoy the brief moments after your stomach is emptied,
you get a gentle touch or a kiss that takes the pain away
you feel butterflies in your stomach that scared away the cancer for a second
you get the endorphines rush after a painful run,
enjoy those seconds where the final line is crossed by happiness before pain,
when the winner of the race is a smile and not a sad tear.
The nightmare mixes past, present and future
one second you are at your former boss office
being criticized for not having good results
scared to death for being fired,
then you are at the doctor's office
she is apologizing for a misdiagnosis
she is talking about the big C,
the one you know you had,
fear again, fear because you both are right now.
Then the future comes as merging with the past
and treatments after treatments leaving you tired, sad and lonely.
Every day is a blessing, and every night is a nightmare.
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