At least I have a window

 To be grateful is to be happy,

or to be happy makes you grateful...

being thankful is the best therapy

that makes your insides beautiful.

I am grateful I have a window

even in the darkest days

I can feel the warm light coming in from the window

like answering all my prays

Thinking about homeless people

or the ones living in a basement or in a cardboard house

makes me gloomy and sad feeling for these people

and even more grateful that at least I have a window in my house.

The power of a word

 When did the word change its meaning?

From being related to fun to being an insult

it was a long and painful trip,

a flap of circumstances and eras.

It wasn't really an evolution,

or a natural pathway.

It was more a degeneration 

and abuse of power.

One gay word that was fancy and glorious,

metamorphosed into a "bad word"

with some negative connotations.

I wish we could go back to bind it with love and excitement.

The power of one finger

 You can stop a conversation by taking it to your lips,

just a simple gesture

You can start a fight by raising up the middle one

just a simple gesture

You can pleasure yourself in a gentle way

just a simple gesture

You can please someone else this way

just a simple gesture

You can call everyone's attention by rising the index up

just a simple gesture

You can indicate where to go with the same finger up

just a simple gesture

You can start a revolution

just a simple gesture

You will be OK

People who claim to know me well

keep telling me I always land on my feet

like if some class of Latin cat female

but I feel I am just a cheat

It is more than impostor syndrome,

goes to the roots of being

your whole believing dome

shutters, it is not forbidding

when on the positive thoughts that you hold inside

start disappearing and you are empty

whatever they said

has zero value in your modus vivendi

Even if you were a problem solver

and a fighter, after getting hit hard

and falling again harder,

you become a destroyer

A destroyer of your dreams

and your positivity and you can sleep no more

The hope disappears,

you feel that you are not unbreakable anymore

Stop telling me "you will be OK"

I prefer to be dead right now

and you can't relay

I have to deal with myself somehow.

Again and again

I missed a meeting today,

I didn't get a notification

and I felt like this happened before

I lost the train of vocation.

Again and again, I am feeling I am arriving too late

that the train left the station

and I am just standing there waiving my dreams goodbye

seeing the melting chocolate.

Sometimes is the world speeding up

and leaving me behind

it is not only about technology

it is about lexicon and growing up.

Again and again, I waiving progress pass by

even if I try to evolve I am stuck in old habits

like if my time has been set to standby

and all my time is in debit.

The evil part that hides in all of us

It is so difficult some days

to deal with the mess of the world

I can't just close my eyes

and pretend I blind

because I can still hear it

the noise of confusion and terror

the people and animals suffering

the innocents living a horror.

Even dealing with my own problems,

they seem so small compare

with the suffering instigated by injustice

and the evil part that hides in all of us.

Even if you don't want to hurt anyone

sometimes getting your way

and finding your freedom

produces the ripple effect

to damage others.

The problem in my voice and looks

My voice sounds young,

however, it is not

I understood when you clung

to your misconception of my voice note

You put me in the youngster, 

inexperience and newbie bracket

because you heard something yester

that reminded you of  high pitch packet

Let me tell you: you are wrong

I am not young, neither my voice

I have been suffering this discrimination for my lifelong

and keep doing this to me is your choice

Your branding is unfair,

it hurts me and my career

I know I also look fair

and this not helping when I appear

Please stop judging me for my appearance

and the sound of my voice

there is way more behind this face

and a lot to offer to the ones who let me rejoice

Perception

Why are you doing this?

Why are you giving me negative feedback?

Are you trying to make a better person?

Or are just annoyed because we don't share the same opinion?

Why all this feels so unfair?

Because we have different perceptions

We have different values

we are on different sides of the ocean

I am looking at your from the far west

and you yelling at me from the far end

yelling against the wind

begging the summer haze to transport your words.

Frustration on the edge

Frustrated for the lack of understanding

I am getting upset with you

the anger is boiling

and it will explode like popcorn.

Why are you asking these stupid questions?

How can you say such things?

Are you not processing your thought before you spit them to me?

This is ludicrous

I am on the edge of collapsing 

and I lost the count of my deep breaths,

I am so done and roasted that I can't do this anymore.

How to be productive? be happy and kind

Lessons learned after reading a lot about productivity and try some of the tricks, failed and try again... (to be honest still trying)
The happiness advantage happier people performs better: happier ppl are 31 % more productive and have 37% better sales figures than unhappy people.
Sleeping is the best for productivity. I am not an early bird, I am more productive at night and I love to oversleep on the weekends (who doesn't?)

I went from the 4 agreements (always do your best, be honest with your word, don't take things personally, do not make assumptions) to some of the 12 rules of life (Stand up straight with your shoulders straight, treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping, befriend people who want the best for you, compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not the useless person you are today, do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them, set your house in order before you criticise the world, pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient, tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie, assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t...)
For some reason I do better on my professional related goals than the personal ones, anyways every week I set 3 main goals and 3 goals per day that I focus on first thing int he morning.
Little steps are better than no step, creating habits is fundamental and I am terrible at it :) so creating small steps and changes that I can keep on when my motivation to make big changes washes away was a key factor in sustainable habits.
Working out... a must, even for 20 min a day.
For example, I have a 20 min mandatory workout per day =, that I do even if the sky is falling, and a 14 min meditation that I can squeeze at any point, even in the tube.

Dancing rules

How difficult is it to ask "would you like to dance"?
I can accept it from old friends
because we are not pretending to be decent people anymore
and I am soo nice cover has fallen,
however, even my friends do more than just show me their open palm,
or just grab me to the dance floor like if I am a potato bag (a very heavy one, btw).
Be kind and ask for consent
and also maybe smile in not a creepy way.

On a blurry morning,
after a full week of intense swing dancing in Stockholm,
dancing all night to hit the breakfast at 7 am,
I overheard a conversation about the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Please don't judge me: the breakfast area was overcrowded
and it was "almost" impossible not to listen to the 2 advance dancer talking next to me :).
The Dunning-Kruger effect is dangerous on the dance floor, please be aware!
In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority comes from the inability of low-ability people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, low-ability people cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence.[1]

As described by social psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the cognitive bias of illusory superiority results from an internal illusion in people of low ability and from an external misperception in people of high ability; that is, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others."[1]

They said poems must rhyme

They said poems must rhyme
so I had to rewrite everything I wrote
then I realized it was a waste of time
it is not like you can just draft a vote
about how to express my feelings, like it is a crime
to push the words to emote
the feeling without a rhyme.

You have stars in your eyes
and that sight can be described
only with the power of the wise,
that bloomed when I looked into your eyes

Fading wind

One day you stopped kissing me,
you didn't wish me a good day
when you were leaving me,
you left me wondering all-day

One day I started feeling lonely
you were not there for me anymore,
it was emptiness finally
and happiness no more.

I was trying to help others,
helping them to battle the strong winds
while a storm was taking out my covers
and I didn't realize that I couldn't hassle the winds

they all said it would pass
that at some point the wind
will stop or at least turn into frass
and the wind will bend my mind.

Hold your hand

I am waiting for the fear to pass,
so we can walk free as we had never done before,
I am waiting for the moment when we can finally hold hands,
without fear.

I am waiting for the storm to pass,
and leave us some sun and fresh haze,
so we breathe again and relax
being next to each other for real.

I am waiting for the world to stop judging,
to let us be free and follow our desires,
to let us run free and kiss without fear,
without the constant vigilance.

I am waiting for just enjoying being together
without constantly checking over my shoulder
if someone would be frowning at us,
disapproving of how we break their rules.

I am waiting for the rules to fall to new rules,
to let us rule ourselves for what we think is right,
because your hand on mine feels right,
the best kind of right followed by your smile.

Resilience

When I did what I wanted,
defying the rules and even hurting people I cared about,
I felt free, I felt powerful and motivated,
I was in a total mindset of being without.

When I did what I wanted,
and kissed you and followed you wondering about,
I was warm, I was happy again, I felt loved,
and then. the storm reached out.

The momentary happiness had to be paid and the end,
All the freedom I soaked turned me into a sellout
Was I a hypocrite? Telling people how to be loved
why and how to do the right thing and don't break out

Or was I just evolving and changing for a better friend?
I only knew I wanted to chase you and hangout
because when I did what others wanted
when I followed the rules of the social layout
I was not being me, I was just surfing the waves that melted.

I have to be resilient to face what I created for myself,
when I took the decisions to do what I wanted,
even if those actions hurt people I loved,
because I couldn't fly with broken wings.

I walked on water to see you again,
and in the middle of it, I have drawn myself and my entourage.
Resilience is like a safe boat that will come to rescue us.