It is not that the expectations were too high
and the trust was broken by external forces,
it is not about not trusting others,
to be scared to fall again for a lie
It is the trust in yourself,
on being true to your true
on being legit and original
on believing in you, in your potential
on your grip
on your power to challenge yourself
and your fears
on the things you don't trust yourself
like inversions, surfing, or loving.
I love flowers
and I stop to appreciate them every time,
I take mental photos of their colors
and take deep breaths to absorb their perfume
I used to be called a butterfly
but now I know I am a bee,
that insect I used to fear
I used to void because I was scared
to get an anaphylactic shock
I was scared to be stung,
and died
I was scared of the unknown future,
I was scared of bees.
You open my eyes to see their beauty,
to find them harmless,
to stop the fear.
You helped me to enjoy the flowers deeply
in all their complexity
and to turn their nectar into honey.
Assumptions put me in the victim role,
but it was a lack of good judgment and understanding
that labeled me "the victim".
I am not the victim, I am more the responsible party,
who pushed the first domino piece
and now see a 6 years structure crumbled to the floor.
Laying on the grass,
feeling the warm sun caressing your skin,
calling me to caress you too,
to feel the warmth, it is just perfect.
And then a bee tried to sting me
and I freaked out because of childhood traumas,
so you calmed me down,
took the bee gently and showed me that I have nothing to fear
it was just perfect.
You opened up your genuine vulnerability,
allowing me to do the same,
and still, feel safe,
and it was just perfect.
With my constant stressful on the go state of mind,
you came to caress my thoughts to relax me,
it was just perfect,
like a five minutes meditation
on a busy morning,
in the middle of a construction site
during a thunderstorm.
