Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Quick encounters that can change your life

 Thanks for interrupting my life 

to remind me about what is important

to bring Thoreau's wisdom back to my life:

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give mt truth".


You gave me the plain truth, and I am grateful

my muscle tears will never be cured,

I need to strengthen the muscles around them

the pain will never be gone

I need to make peace with reality.


You can only understand the pain of pain,

if you suffer it,

only people walking this chronic pain path

can truly look you in the eye and comprehend it.


Our quick encounter filled my life with air,

when you compared cancer with crime:

no matter how you try to destroy it,

it will always find a way around it.


Your wisdom changed me physically and mentally

it opened my eyes, I agreed to never stop,

to push through the pain,

the strengthen my weaknesses,

to prioritize,

to deal with addiction without guilt,

 and to stop trying to please others.


You had so many injuries and so many kills,

but were tender to me,

just to make me stronger,

just to make me smile,

and now you are gone.


You were a man without a woman,

because you had multiple,

and you were a man without kids,

because you had your crew as offspring.

"be kind, no stupid"

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Happy to see you

 Your aura fills the space with light

you bring joy every time you enter a room,

the magic stars in your eyes sight

are a supernova in a constant boom.


I am happy to see you every time,

I am looking forward to next time,

I am eager to give you an intimate hug anytime

because you make everybody shine.


The love and kindness that you perspire

is so warm and inviting

so contagious, positive and aiming to inspire

that fills us all with zen wisdom gratifying.


The gratefulness and compassion

that your expression brings us

is expressed as your passion

inviting and friendly improving us.

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

To block or not to block

 Yesterday Facebook sent me a memory feed

with photos of the amazing birthday gatherings, I organized for my ex,

so I went to message to send a Happy birthday message to him...

and to my surprise, I couldn't find him,

which means he blocked me.


I did not really care much about the "blocking",

 but I feel sad to know that he was soooo hurt

that he needed to delete me from his online living.


Not that I care much, but I told a friend

and he said that my ex also blocked him 

and others who connected him with me,

and that it was great because he was boring anyway (ROFL).


It just made me think about how little he valued me,

he said constantly that he was so proud and grateful to be with me

because of ALL my amazing features (SMH)

but I never really felt those words to be real.

So, if you really value a person would you delete the only way of knowing how they are doing?


This is the second time I got blocked this year

an insane and aggressive/depressive book club organizer

blocked me when I told her she was impolite and I was scared to voice my opinion...

It just made me rethink how angry/upset/sad/hurt or even scared to be hurt

people can be in order to block another person.


Don't give me wrong, I have no intention or need to see these people,

I was with them because I was sorry for them,

and I have the need to help people even if they are not good for me,

I am a bit happy that I don't have this baggage on my back anymore.


What annoys me if them now spreading lies and wrong memories,

after all the caring and amazing moments I gave them,

how can they be so evil to say bad things about this lovely angel?


The only truly negative thing they can say is "she doesn't want to be with me anymore",

anything else will be lies if what they told me originally was the truth,

they are just dissing like snakes.


In retrospection, I have blocked bullies and guys who were harassing me after public appearances, 

and 2 exes who kept trying to call and meet me after I broke up with them because I didn't want to be with them anymore... but it was a blocking due to harassment.

If we are here to help others, the aim of my life and we are in part the interactions and what we share with others...

if my motto is not let anyone leave your life without being better and happier...

Have I failed?

I guess so.



Thursday, January 6, 2022

The nightmares are real

 I have to apologize for disregarding my patients before

when they told me about the nightmares

the vivid horrible hunting nightmares that keep them awake.


This too shall pass,

enjoy the brief moments after your stomach is emptied,

you get a gentle touch or a kiss that takes the pain away

you feel butterflies in your stomach that scared away the cancer for a second

you get the endorphines rush after a painful run,

enjoy those seconds where the final line is crossed by happiness before pain,

when the winner of the race is a smile and not a sad tear.


The nightmare mixes past, present and future

one second you are at your former boss office

being criticized for not having good results

scared to death for being fired,

then you are at the doctor's office

she is apologizing for a misdiagnosis

she is talking about the big C,

the one you know you had,

fear again, fear because you both are right now.


Then the future comes as merging with the past

and treatments after treatments leaving you tired, sad and lonely.

Every day is a blessing, and every night is a nightmare.


Sunday, January 2, 2022

2021 Books reading list

 I thought that I was going to expend 2021 in bed so I set up my reading goal to 100 books… fortunately life happened and I was able to enjoy a lot of fantastic non-book worm

🐛 related activities:) so 81 books were a good compromise… the theme was around zen, Japanese culture, sci-fi, fantasy, AI and pain and disease management… 
It was sooo difficult because the first 60ish books are fantastic:) (pun intended) Grateful to the book clubs and friends for wonderful recommendations outside my comfort zone. “If you help someone, you help everyone.” -May Parker #bookstagram
I can recommend the books up to number 66… after, don’t bother 🙁! Please buy books from smaller stores like Hive. Wishing you a happy 2022 full of good books, friends, love, hugs, kisses, peace, healthy, fun, sex, dance, learning, challenges, growth, kindness, compassion and laughs

  1. Si supieras los que sabes, Margarita Mac leod

  2. The ministry for the future, Kim Robinson

  3. The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, by John le Carre

  4. Starsight, Brandon Sanderson

  5. The fifth season, J K Jemisin

  6. Exhalation, Ted Chiang

  7. Zen the art of simple leaving, Shunmyo Masuno

  8. Ikigai the Japanese secret to a long and happy life, Héctor García, Francesc Miralles

  9. The wrinkle in time, Madeleine L'Engle

  10. The midnight library, Matt Haig

  11. Atomic Habits, James Clear

  12. Leonardo Da Vinci, Walter Isaacson

  13. 101 assays that will change the way you think, Brianna Weist

  14. Cytonic, Brandon Sanderson

  15. Skyward, Brandon Sanderson

  16. The Thursday murder club, Richard Osman

  17. In cold blood, Truman Capote

  18. The bands of mourning, Brandon Sanderson

  19. The catcher in the rye, J D Salinger

  20. 100 años de soledad Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  21. How to be a genius, Robert Allen

  22. Dark ages, Pierce Brown

  23. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, Agatha Christie

  24. The obelisk gate, J K Jemisin

  25. Circe, Madeline Miller

  26. Things fall apart, Chinua Achebe

  27. The stone sky by J K Jemisin

  28. Pride and prejudice, Jane Austine

  29. 84 charing cross st, Helen Huff

  30. The great gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

  31. The promised land, Barak Obama

  32. Dominicana, Angie Cruz

  33. The count of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas

  34. A clockwork orange, Anthony Burgess

  35. The boys book 1, Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson

  36. The boys book 2

  37. The boys book 3

  38. The boys book 4

  39. The boys book 5

  40. The boys book 6

  41. The Cows, Dawn O’porter

  42. Pachinko, Cheng Lee

  43. Americanah, Chimamanda ngozi Adiche

  44. Outlander, Diana Gabaldon

  45. Water for elephants, Sara Gruen

  46. Dragonfly in amber, Diana Gabaldon

  47. Letters to a young poet, Rainer Rilke

  48. Never let me go, Kashuo Ishigiro

  49. Voyager, Diana Gabaldon

  50. Steelheart, Brandon Sanderson

  51. Charlie and the chocolate factory, Roald Dahl

  52. The man who died twice, Richard Osman

  53. Mitosis, Brandon Sanderson

  54. The ocean at the end of the lane, Neil Gaiman

  55. Firefight, Brandon Sanderson

  56. The four agreements, Miguel Ruiz

  57. Calamity, Brandon Sanderson

  58. Witch, Finbar Hawkins

  59. Hail Mary, Andy Weir

  60. In praise of shadows, Tanizaki

  61. Artemis, Andy Weir

  62. The seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid

  63. Klara and the sun, Kashuo Ishigiro

  64. 10% happier, Dan Harris

  65. Dept of speculation Jenny Offill

  66. The good doctor Damon Galgut

  67. Broken, Jenny Lawson

  68. Epidemiology WHO, R Bonita

  69. It’s called a break up because it is broken, Amiira Ruotola and Greg Behrendt

  70. No one is talking about this, Patricia Lockwood

  71. Let’s talk about hard things, Anna Sale

  72. Artic summer, Damon Galgut

  73. Earthlings, Sayaka Murats

  74. Ulysses, James Joyce

  75. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurie

  76. Greenlight, Matthew McConaughey

  77. The subtle art of not giving a fuck, Mark Manson

  78. The soul of a woman, Isabel Allende

  79. Everything is figurable, Marie Forleo

  80. Crying in H mart,

  81. Everything happens for a reason and other lies, Kate Bowler

  82. Lincoln in the bardo, George Saunders